I love holidays but this shit is the worst
  1. That annoying friend who gives you fake awesome news!
    "Congrats on your show getting picked up for season 2!" Me: (waking up) Huh? Really?" Go Fuck Yourself.
  2. That annoying friend who gives you fake sad news!
    "OMG what do you mean you ran over your dog? That's horrible" Go Fuck Yourself
  3. This is the one day a year that Boring companies like Esurance, Comcast, Hanes, New Balance, Rice Dream think they are whimsical. Eat a bag of dicks.
    Instead of Porn Hub we are Corn Hub. Put back my fav video of a bag of dicks being eaten and Go Fuck Yourself
  4. If we are going to have a holiday that celebrates Dad jokes and the asshole guy at work I'm going to bed.
    You replaced bagels at work with rubber ones. Big deal you prick. I only had ten minutes break and haven't had coffee yet so I'm not in the mood and I had to waste 8 mins fake laughing and now I'm hungry for a bagel. Go Fuck Yourself
  5. People who lie and say they are pregnant
    If you make me cry for happiness on this day and it's fake you deserve to roommate with Trump in Hell. Go Fuck Yourself
  6. April Fools!! This is actually a cute fun day.
    I'm kidding you can actually Go Fuck Yourselves