Potential chapter titles in my theoretical memoir

  1. Being Struck by Lightning and Other Casualties of Surgery
  2. One Woman's Enlightenment is Another Woman's Bullshit
  3. My Arch Nemisis, the CDC
  4. That Time I Witnessed an Exorcism and Other Weird Shit That's Happened to Me
  5. What Did People Do Before Netflix? Like, I'm Serious, Someone Tell Me
  6. Support Groups Can Go Suck A Dick
  7. Every Day I'm Walkering
  8. Tell Me to Try Yoga Again, I Swear to God
  9. Holy Shit Ow and Other Thoughts About Waking Up
  10. My Cat is My Boyfriend
  11. That New Selena Gomez Song and Other Stuff I've Admitted to Liking Since I Stopped Giving a Fuck
  12. Every Time They Ask for a Baby Burrito My Heart Breaks a Little
  13. We Need to Talk About Poop
  14. How I Decided to Spend the Rest of My Life With Him After My Boyfriend Touched My Vag In Front of My Mom