Things I Find Myself Saying to Young People About ❤️ and Dating 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Not that I'm "old and all knowing" but I have had to learn all of these lessons, I talk to a lot of people about love, AND I've had a lot of therapy.
  1. You're a fucking catch and you're not the kind of person anyone should be confused about
    Make this your dating mantra. Once you believe it you're UNSTOPPABLE I tell you!!
  2. Throw out the planning for "forever"
    Forever not a destination, it's just a collection of every days. You don't LOOK for a forever, you collect it together.
  3. I know you have "a type" - STOP THAT
    I had a type too. I thought "my type" was "adventurous girls who looked like boys." But turns out THAT always translated to impossibly immature and unstable. Once I asked myself "How's that working out for you?" I stopped...and magic sort of happened.
  4. Go through a season where you say yes to any first date
    You'll have a take-away. It could be a story, a friend, an orgasm or a lover...but you'll have a take-away that you wouldn't have had before
  5. Their red flags? YOUR red flags.
    It's not about them. It's about your perception of them, your own esteem or perceived iniquities, or past relationship baggage. Don't use their red flags as justification to discount who they are, what they have to offer, and rudely toss them aside. Recognize what it brings up in you, be thankful for the awareness, and move along. They're not for you for any number of reasons, but be kind.
  6. It takes 6 months for crazy to show up
    Use this how you will...but I'd suggest holding off on proposals, moving in, and pet co-adoptions
  7. Don't hitch your wagon to a falling star
    You deserve a stable, available, mature person. While we're at it you also deserve a local, available and IN-PERSON love. Long distance relationships are harder than they should be when there's no real end in sight. You deserve available.
  8. Don't plan to change someone.
    They're a fucking catch too....for someone (maybe not you.) Look at the gifts they have to give, their plusses and minuses. Can you accept them the way they are? Then do.
  9. Don't be the person who chases the bus
    Another bus will come around, but that one was not for you. Stop chasing someone who has moved on. You're an adult and this isn't the school bus, there will be another soon enough.