CONFUSIONS OF A NEW YORKER DEALING WITH SAN FRANCISCO MASS TRANSIT

i have lived here 16 months and I still am like I DON'T GET IT
  1. 1.
    THEY WAIT IN LINE FOR BART
    Guess what NERDS, I just get on in front of the line when the doors open. THIS IS NOT A REAL RULE
  2. 2.
    NO REAL METROCARD EQUIV
    bart cards only work on bart. you can get a muni pass just for muni. clipper cards work on everything but you have to order them online or buy them in walgreens you CANT buy them IN THE BART/MUNI STATIONS. what the fuck is wrong with these people.
  3. 3.
    BART FARES DIFFER BY STATION
    what the shit is this. when i lived in Berkeley my stop was FOUR FUCKING 25 each way but some stops in the city are like 2 bucks. what fucking facacta bullshit
  4. 4.
    THE SEATS ARE FABRIC
    UM HI BEDBUGS ANYONE? HOW ABOUT BLOOD BARF SEMEN SPIT SWEAT GARBAGE HOLY FUCKING MACARONI WHY
  5. 5.
    SOME PEOPLE SIT ON THE FLOOR
    FUCKING HIPPIES. that is DISGUSTING. ITS THE SUBWAY! related: i regularly see men spit onto the CARPETED FLOOR.
  6. 6.
    GOTTA USE YOUR CARD TO ENTER AND TO LEAVE
    this was a concept invented by people who never thought anyone had to go anywhere QUICKLY.
  7. 7.
    CAN I GET A NYT OR SOME STARBURST?!
    there are no stops with little newsstands in the station or on the platform. THIS WOULD WORK!!!!!
  8. 8.
    NO ONE MOVES INTO THE CAR
    at a busy time 20 assholes stand at the door and the aisles in the car are open and free
  9. 9.
    NONE OF THIS SHIT RUNS ALL NIGHT
    still a mindblower. at least we are past this era: before uber/lyft, if you stayed in the city later than like 2 AM and had to get home to Oakland, you options were a SEVENTY DOLLAR CAB or to sleep at yr friend's house. 70 dollars to go 14 miles. ew!
  10. 10.
    TROLLEY CARS
    i am terrifed to get on one bc I have no idea how to pay for it (see #2)