TALES FROM THE FIRST TRIMESTER

i just finished my first 3 months of growing a human.
  1. I have yet to puke but spent a good 7 weeks in a constant state of nausea
    like youd been reading in the car. i felt like that non-stop. i almost WISHED i puked so it felt like something would stop that feeling for a sec but NO DICE
  2. thoughts of favorite foods make me make this face 😰
    i've realized my MIND is my biggest enemy. i picture kale and i wanna barf. i think about avocados and i wanna barf. i think about sweet potatoes and i wanna barf. these are some of my favorite things but i cant THINK about them or i gag. oh an for some reason, everyone is posting "zucchini noodles" and i cant not dry heave when i see them (just did right now, typing this)
  3. the tears are so random and often embarrassing
    the theme song to OITNB made me bawl every time. i hated it in previous years. that zillow commercial where the husband is away in the army and they look for houses over skype- i heard the SONG from that commercial in a coffeehouse and burst into tears (ew the lumineers so embarrassing). any fucking animal video, happy or sad, SO MANY TEARS. Taylor Swift's "Out of the Woods", 😢😢😢 its exhausting!!!
  4. its actually made me eat way healthier
    i havent eaten fried food or excess sugar in 2 months (but i'm not being a freak about it. i ate dairy queen the other day bc OF COURSE) it doesnt feel that hard and it seems like a good thing. all i think about is sushi all day long anyways
  5. my morning coffee has become insanely fetishized
    gotta keep caffeine at a minimum, or 200 mg /day so that is 2 small or 1 large cup of coffee a day. i am not really a coffee snob but now i refuse to drink subpar shit. i wont make it at home and when i get my drink finallly, right before work, it's 100% the high point of my day (and please keep your "oh WHATEVER, i drank 10 cups of coffee a day and i had triplets!" kind of 'advice' to yrself thanks!)
  6. everyone loves to scare the shit out of you
    its usually the first thing people do when they find out you are expecting "you're going to pee yourself, just fyi" "my feet grew and never went back just fyi" "i still dont have sensation in my nipples just fyi" "all my hair fell out just fyi" fucking relax and let me enjoy this! such killjoys. jeez
  7. the foods i "can't" eat are making me crazy
    sushi. feta. oysters. a 7 minute egg. i know i could probably eat some of this but it also feels lame to not be able to abstain from them for a few months just in case. but still. i want sugarfish helicoptered to SF the second i give birth and i am not sharing
  8. smells are the real enemy
    anything that is normally unpleasant is all of a sudden THE WORST THING EVER. the fridge is clean or so i thought but it SMELLS so fucking gross. a musty lobby makes me dry heave. a rotten piece of fruit almost made me actually barf. cigarette smoke also takes me almost to the barf zone. public bathrooms, forget about it.
  9. i cradle caffeine free diet coke like my not-yet-born babe
    placebo effect is fine with me
  10. i'm so tired
    just tired all the time. falling asleep by 9, THE LATEST, every night. but then waking up at 4 from ceazy dreams. i feel deep envy for any woman who doesnt have to work while they are pregnant. at least the first 3 months. every morning i fight tears bc i cant imagine going through a whole day at an office, pretending to be normal. its getting better tho
  11. i had to get a maternity bra at 10 weeks
    they were already so giant i couldnt deal. the woman at the store made me feel like a freak but i had been wearing sports bras every day and I was over uni-boob. much happier now.
  12. i saw our lil bb MOVING and it was the most mind blowing thing ever
    inhad an ultrasound last week and he was moving his arms (he has ARMS !! and HANDS !!!!) and had THE HICCUPS and i SAW IT on a screen. i was speechless. or really i just kept saying "this. is. so. WILD. holy SHIT!" i mean he is only the size of a peach but like, SWIMMING inside me. WHAT!!! its so unreal. and cool. he has a face!