PEOPLE I'M IMMEDIATELY SUSPICIOUS OF

I'm a judgmental bitch. This is not a comprehensive list.
  1. People who own cats.
    All of them.
  2. People who don't have jobs, or only sort-of jobs and yet have all their bills paid
  3. Guys with giant mustaches
  4. Bad drivers
  5. People with messy cars
  6. Guys 35+ who are still casually fucking around with early 20 somethin girls
  7. People who always say they can't go out because they're broke, but keep spending their money on ridiculous shit
  8. People who don't like the beach
  9. People who don't like the mountains
  10. People who only eat artisanal foods
  11. People who eat gluten-free even though they don't have to
  12. People who don't like flannel
    Who are you.
  13. Really peppy or cheerful people
    There is no way you are that happy.
  14. People who are really into drugs
    I feel like I'm missing something here.
  15. People who don't buy vintage because they don't like 'wearing other people's clothes'.
    Just, stop.
  16. People who don't like sports
    Not a single one????
  17. Guys who wear hoodies on dates
    No, there is no such a thing as a dress hoodie.
  18. Guys who tell me they're all for women having equal rights but don't identify as 'feminist' because it's a strong word.
    As Aziz Ansari so eloquently put it, that's how words work.
  19. People who wear leather jackets even though it's 75+ degrees out
    We know you're sweating. You're not fooling anyone.
  20. People who do high intensity work-outs 5+ times a week.
    I used to be you, but I am now old. Where the fuck do you get your energy? Cocaine? I bet it's cocaine.
  21. People who don't have creative outlets.
    Are you a sociopath?
  22. People who don't enjoy reading books.
    Definitely a sociopath.