The thoughts after seeing your crush on Bumble

Guys, in case you weren't aware I am a tumble of neuroses in a cool and calm body.
  1. Oh no.
  2. He's on bumble?
  3. Well at least that means he's definitely single.
  4. Hmm.
  5. I obviously want to swipe right.
  6. Will that be weird?
  7. Will he see my profile and think, oh this would be so weird, I'm going to swipe left.
  8. If he swiped left, does that mean he's rejecting me? Or maybe just that he doesn't want it to go down like this?
  9. If I go after him after not being swiped will it just look sad??
  10. He has a picture with a baby? That's not his baby. Who's baby is that? Whoa, kind of manipulative dude. If I didn't already like him so much I'd start having some doubts here.
  11. I kind of want to force quit the app to see if he's still there. But then that gets real risky because what if he already swiped me left and I lost my chance!
  12. What chance, if he already swiped left its GAME OVER.
  13. No he's still at work, there's no way he's swiped anyone. Oh I hate that I know that.
  14. Okay okay I'm swiping right. I'm doing it, I'm swiping, NOW. Just do it goddammit.
  15. Okay.
  16. Oh. Nothing happened. Because he's at work and my profile is new and he obviously hasn't seen it.
  17. What if he doesn't recognize me? I'm wearing sunglasses! What if he swiped left and thinks, oh no what have I done I recognized her too late!
  18. What if he sees my pics and is like, 'ew that's what she looks like' because he like saw me differently in person?
  19. Or he doesn't think my tag line is funny?! And that I'm so lame and annoying!
  20. ACK YOU'RE SPIRALING.
  21. Slow your roll alyssa.
  22. This would be so much easier if he didn't have a young Jeremy Renner's face on a Captain America body.
  23. And now I wait 😁
  24. (I seriously considered putting a screenshot of his profile picture so y'all would understand, but felt way icky about it. Sorry!)