Historical Figures I Would Fight

just in case
  1. Hemingway
    I feel like I could take him, and I bet he'd hit me back. I'd chug a bottle of whiskey, then crack him over the head with it. "This is for making me read The Old Man and the Sea, B*TCH."
  2. Andrew Jackson
    I don't need to explain myself. And if he didn't have his cane to fight back with, I would still struggle, but ultimately win.
  3. Rebecca Felton
    OLD, GEORGIAN RACIST. I don't care that you're the first woman to serve in the senate. Practice some intersectional feminism next time, scrub.
  4. Hattie Carraway
    See: Rebecca Felton
  5. Emperor Nero
    I could get in one good punch before I was killed.
  6. Hunter S. Thomson
    I'd run him over. Too insufferable to put up with.
  7. F. Scott Fitzgerald
    DO IT FOR ZELDA
  8. Alexander Hamilton
    This man would be a giant push over. If Burr can win against him in a duel just because he didn't like him, I could definitely take him from the sheer annoyance of listening to everyone talk about that damn musical.
  9. Putin
    I better knock him out with the first swing, because he would literally kill me.
  10. Walt Disney
    But only while dressed up like Minnie Mouse
  11. Dick Cheney
    Honestly, who wouldn't?
  12. Woody Allen
    Does he count as historical? Whatever, I don't care. Get wrecked.