HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF 💝
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- •Practice self-acceptance.Forgiving yourself is about targeting the specific things that you feel bad about, not about the person you are. As a forgiveness technique, self-acceptance allows you to acknowledge that you're a good person, faults and all. It doesn't mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself above those elements and cease to allow your faults to halt your progression in life. Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal.
- •Understand the importance of forgiveness.Living in a state of being unable to forgive requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy of sadness, hurt, and blame. This energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity and abilities are fed, not your negativity.
- •Take into account the challenges raised by not forgiving yourself.Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health. Always remember that forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting. You're entitled to learn by experience and be guided by that experience. It's about leaving aside the resentment and self-inflicted berating that comes with remembering.
- •Accept your emotions.Part of the struggle is often being unable to accept that you are experiencing such emotions as anger, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Instead of trying to avoid facing these negative emotions, accept them as part of what is fueling your lack of self-forgiveness. A problem named is a problem ready to be tackled.
- •Reflect on why you're trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else around you.Perfectionism can cause you to hold too high a standard for your own behavior, a standard that you wouldn't hold anyone else to. If perfectionism causes you to be too hard on yourself, you're caught in a situation where self-forgiveness is hard to do because it seems like acceptance of a sub-standard you. Remove yourself from this vicious cycle of thinking by what Martha Beck called "welcoming imperfection," and claimed "is the way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never delivers."
- •Let go of other people's expectations for you.Living your life in self-loathing because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's expectations is based on making too much of another person's mixed-up feelings. Forgive yourself for trying to live a life according to others expectations and start making the changes needed to follow your own purpose instead.
- •Stop punishing yourself.There is a frequent misunderstanding that forgiveness equates to forgetting or condoning. This misunderstanding can lead a person to feel that it is not right to forgive oneself because in the process of doing so, it's akin to an act of forgetting or condoning the past wrong. Keep in mind that forgiveness is a process of mindfulness in which you continue to remember what happened and you do not condone something that was "wrong" as suddenly "right".
- •Think about what will improve in your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into fruition.Doing things to confirm the forgiveness process will help you to realize your self-forgiveness and to give you a new sense of purpose.
- •See forgiveness as a journey, not a destination.If you're liable to thinking that you're unable to "get to" self-forgiveness, you may be sabotaging your chances of even starting the forgiveness journey. It helps to accept that forgiveness is an ongoing process and that you'll have your up days and your down days. The best approach is to let the slip-ups happen and see them as minor setbacks in an otherwise more forgiving self. In addition, realize that forgiveness has no timetable.