WAYS MY DOG IS OFFENSIVE

Also, reasons I love him.
  1. Farts that clear a room
  2. Snoring so loud entire neighborhoods have sleepless nights
  3. Peeing on furniture - particularly a line of dribbles across all cushions
  4. Defecating on the floor when adult humans visit
  5. Defecating on the floor when no adult humans visit
  6. Trails of slobber - they work like breadcrumbs
  7. Major side eye
  8. Air humping
  9. Ball obsessions (all types)