THINGS I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ARE NOW TRUE ABOUT LOS ANGELES

Born and raised but haven't been back in over two years... Almost dreading returning
  1. That Axe is closed
    Maybe because it always seems like a false alarm and arson was constant. People are telling me this time it's for real. No way.
  2. That the 3rd Street Promenade is different
    I think they've really outdone themselves with this one? Some crazy mall? Super fancy? Hip food? Not allowed. This is always about Abrecrombie and American Eagle and Barnes and Noble and movies and huge dinosaurs made of ivy. And there is no reason to go into the mall but if you do it smells weird and you'll go to Wet Seal just because.
  3. There's a new ultramodern park at the end of the PCH across from The Pier
    What? Why? That's meant to just be an insignificant place I can't remember at the intersection of a crazy street name. Get out.
  4. That people live Downtown?!
    You can't walk the streets there after dark! Or before dark! ANYTIME! Downtown is TERRIFYING. This is where kids got kidnapped and killed. How is this hip?!
  5. Uuuuuhhh Abbot Kinney
    We all saw this one coming. Gjelina was such a tipping point. And the influx of food trucks. They always know what's up. Refuse to acknowledge the degree of trendiness. Force myself to go every visit and just put on blinders.
  6. Hiking is hip
    Totally blame Instagram for this one. This is what my parents and I did growing up always. This was family time. This was NOT a cool-Sunday-woah-look-at-me activity. Not a I'm-dressed-so-cute-but-also-practical-but-styling activity. You don't pose for pictures at the top and then chose a filter. You don't bring your dog as a PROP. I hate you.
  7. Surfing is no longer dominated by hardcore locals
    I CANNOT believe you got cashmere lined surf booties for Christmas and didn't get beaten to a pulp for wearing them. I'm almost impressed. (Probably just because I'm in love with you because I fall hard for anyone with any board.)
  8. There's a NEW JOAN'S ON THIRD?!
    Just skimmed this on a list. NOT OKAY! Already not alright with expansion OH NO