CAREERS I STILL SOMETIMES IMAGINE MYSELF STARTING

  1. Water purification researcher
  2. ACLU hotshot
  3. Cancer researcher
  4. Author of consumerist books on physics
  5. High school English teacher
  6. Stats guy for professional baseball organization
  7. Elevator efficiency expert
  8. Russian president
  9. Inadvertent celebrity (like I am somehow the star of an auto-tune video) and thereafter a staple of panel discussion shows