THINGS I HAVE INTENSELY WORRIED ABOUT TODAY AND IT'S ONLY 8AM

  1. Why isn't the latest episode of my podcast showing up on ituens
  2. Last relationship: could I have done anything differently?
  3. What would people say about me if I died suddenly? Would it be recorded? How about onstage?
  4. How's my protein to carb ratio?
  5. Last night I was politely scolded at my hotel for not wearing a cap in the pool. Wtf is up with that? Who cares? I showered for ten million hours before getting in your pool and BTW this is China people hock loogies into the street on the regular why don't you get over my hairy gross body?
  6. Do I listen to TMBG too much?
  7. If I could talk to myself from 5 years ago I know I'd be kind but what 5-years-ago me be a dick about it? I think maybe he would.
  8. Vladimir Putin
  9. Is my comedy theater funny anymore?
  10. Should I have kids? If so what's the game plan there?
  11. I think I need to hand wash some underwear. I have no way of cheaply doing laundry. In China! That's funny.