A timeline of my personal thoughts about my facial hair

  1. Day 1: Shave. Hey, there's a clean-cut dude under here. So smooth. I should do this every day!
    Also, I'm 30. When is acne gonna give it a freakin rest already!?
  2. Day 2: ...so... itchy... Also, now I look like I'm 4 years old. Never shaving again!
  3. Day 3: This isn't so bad after all. A little 5 o'clock shadow makes this look kinda tough and manly.
    Never mind that it takes me 72 hours to grow the same amount of facial hair as most men do in 8...
  4. Day 4: Hmmm, looking a little sparse/patchy. It's ok. Another day or two, and I'll have that chic-scruffy Timberlake look. It will all fill in. I'm sure of it! It won't be like last time!
  5. Day 6: What's with these islands of facial hair that just won't connect? This isn't a canal system; it's my face! This isn't Timberlake-esque; It's just awkward! And what now? I can't just give up. I've worked too hard for this! Maybe I'll do a goatee or keep just the mustache?
  6. Day 8: OK, I officially look like one of those mugshots where they find the guy who has been hiding out and not taking care of himself. It's time to either commit to this thing and trim up the edges, or cut bait and run.
  7. Day 11: Screw it. And screw my genetics! I will NEVER have the perfect Al Borland/Billy Mayes beard. Good facial hair is my unattainable pipe dream. I'm shaving this patchy face Velcro the next chance I get and never growing it out again!
  8. Repeat (start over at Day 1)