Things I'm pretty sure I could do in an emergency situation

Inspired by @joemurphy and several others.
  1. Recite 60% of the Hamilton soundtrack.
  2. Help any child use healthy coping skills to calm the f down.
    I'm a social worker. It's what I get paid the "big" bucks to do.
  3. Punch someone in the nose.
  4. Lie
  5. Do the Soulja boy tell 'em dance
  6. CPR that involves breaking someone's ribs
    Because apparently that's how you know you're doing it right.
  7. Laugh at a joke I didn't think was funny
    (See lie)
  8. Pretend to be asleep
  9. Quote New Girl for days