I made up an excuse not to come to your party, but let it be known I had a number of good excuses.
  1. My Dog Ate The Evidence For My Real Reason
    I had a super good reason for not coming to your party but unless you had the evidence you just wouldn't have believed it. I had the evidence on a piece of paper that I accidentally stacked between two roast beef sandwiches that I had made to eat on the journey over to your house to give you the paper with the real reason on it.
  2. My Mother Was In Town
    Look my mom doesn't come to town all that often, and she just wouldn't let me out of her sight. The reason that I had for not coming to your party would have been embarrassing to say out loud over the phone with her listening. Which is why I had it on a piece of paper to begin with, then my dog ate it.
  3. I Ran Out Of Paper
    I would have rewritten the reason I wasn't going to be able to make it to your party down on another piece of paper, but I realized that I had used all of the rest of the paper I had earlier that day to finish up a paper that was really important for a night class I am taking.
  4. My Arms And Legs Fell Off
    Fuck man, I can't do shit, and I probably won't ever be able to do anything ever again. You should just live your life, don't worry about me. But I really couldn't go to the store to get more paper because of having zero limbs.