5 Really Good Reasons Not To Cut Down A Tree And Let It Fall On You

Whether you are a logger or just a regular person, this list may be for you!
  1. It Will Almost Definitely Kill You
    I know, I know, trees look so innocent swaying nicely in the breeze. They have such a graceful life, standing tall over us for thousands of years with their branches outstretched. One Almost forgets that trees are fucking HEAVY. Have you ever seen what one of those monsters with do to a house or a car? If you don't believe me, go try and pick even a small log off the ground, it's like an organic boulder. Every tree you walk by could crush you flatter than a crâpe made by French crâpist.
  2. Death Isn't The Worst Thing That Can Happen
    I know you were probably thinking, "so it will kill me, big deal." Well let me tell you, there are some things that are worse than death. Like, for example, having your pelvis crushed into a thousand pieces while you are still awake, then passing out, only to wake up up 3 hours later still half under a tree, helpless, as a raccoon gnaws at your eyeball. Then spending the rest of your life in a bed, in a room probably made out of the same material that put you there.
  3. There Are Better Things You Can Do
    I can think of a ton of things that would be so much better than cutting down a tree and letting it fall on you. Like going out to brunch with a friend, or going to swim in a secret pond, or even just cutting down a tree and not letting it fall on you.
  4. Stepping Out Of The Way Of Things Is Fun
    Try it, I do this all the time. You feel like a badass. Something is coming at you, and you just calmly step to the side. The mixture of your calmness and the speed of the other object will impress your friends.
  5. My Sister Likes You
    My sister likes you bro! But she's not going to call you if you do this because you'll be dead or won't ever move again. So put down the axe and go sit by the phone, you two will get along great.