To My Secret Santa
Hi, I love you. You're pretty/funny/smart/crazy/sexy/cool. Thank you for being the kind of dope ass human that sends random strangers on the internet gifts. I feel strange, but also good. ❄️☃🎅🏼☃❄️ Also, thanks @ChrisK aka Santa pimp for hooking us all up with the holiday spirit.
- 1.Are you the real Santa or one of the fakes? I need a serious answer for the kid.
- 2.So... I just start listing stuff I want?
- 3.I should probably say stuff like, whatever you want, something homemade, something that shows me something about you. Yada x 2.
- 4.Tbh, that's really what I do want.
- 5.Even more potentially schmaltzy, I just want to connect with you in some meaningful way.
- 6.The kind of way that says this crazy big, mean, scary world isn't always so big, mean or scary.
- 7.The way in which it's cool to give someone you've never met irl, and never will, a 👊🏽👊🏽 on the test they aced or a 😰🤗 for a loss they suffered.
- 8.Dude, this is what it is. It's these little teeny kindnesses, these sparks, these connections that make us feel a little more rooted to this rock hurtling through time and space. (Or less poetically, revolving slowly and time is just a construct, dumbass).
- 9.So, whatever you give me, you already nailed it. It's this Charles Schulz, heart growing three sizes, global community feel and I got that from you. So, thanks.
- 10.Ps, I like books and candy and jewel encrusted tiaras.
- 11.I'm neutral on rainbows.
- 12.I hate avocados. Like, deeply loathe.
- 13.Pears are cool though.
- 14.No murder please.
- 15.And no fucking avocados. I cannot be emphatic enough in this regard.
- 16.Also no blood diamonds.
- 17.Final answer, see numbers 3-9.