To My Secret Santa

Hi, I love you. You're pretty/funny/smart/crazy/sexy/cool. Thank you for being the kind of dope ass human that sends random strangers on the internet gifts. I feel strange, but also good. ❄️☃🎅🏼☃❄️ Also, thanks @ChrisK aka Santa pimp for hooking us all up with the holiday spirit.
  1. 1.
    Are you the real Santa or one of the fakes? I need a serious answer for the kid.
  2. 2.
    So... I just start listing stuff I want?
  3. 3.
    I should probably say stuff like, whatever you want, something homemade, something that shows me something about you. Yada x 2.
  4. 4.
    Tbh, that's really what I do want.
  5. 5.
    Even more potentially schmaltzy, I just want to connect with you in some meaningful way.
  6. 6.
    The kind of way that says this crazy big, mean, scary world isn't always so big, mean or scary.
  7. 7.
    The way in which it's cool to give someone you've never met irl, and never will, a 👊🏽👊🏽 on the test they aced or a 😰🤗 for a loss they suffered.
  8. 8.
    Dude, this is what it is. It's these little teeny kindnesses, these sparks, these connections that make us feel a little more rooted to this rock hurtling through time and space. (Or less poetically, revolving slowly and time is just a construct, dumbass).
  9. 9.
    So, whatever you give me, you already nailed it. It's this Charles Schulz, heart growing three sizes, global community feel and I got that from you. So, thanks.
  10. 10.
    Ps, I like books and candy and jewel encrusted tiaras.
  11. 11.
    I'm neutral on rainbows.
  12. 12.
    I hate avocados. Like, deeply loathe.
  13. 13.
    Pears are cool though.
  14. 14.
    No murder please.
  15. 15.
    And no fucking avocados. I cannot be emphatic enough in this regard.
  16. 16.
    Also no blood diamonds.
  17. 17.
    Final answer, see numbers 3-9.