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  1. Fernet Jelinek
    Gingerbread licorice!
  2. Ryan Reynolds
    Goes without saying.
  3. Topo Chico
    Isn't everyone?
2 more...
All of these things make you regret last night
  1. 1.
    Mezcal
  2. 2.
    Overproof whiskey
  3. 3.
    Fernet
  4. 4.
    Some sort of raspberry vodka thing
  1. 1.
    Brandied apples. No, not brandy-soaked apples. We're talking about children here. So inappropriate. Bran-covered apples, bound to the fruit with tahini paste. So healthful!
  2. 2.
    A letter from Heifer International letting the kids know a donation has been made in their name to help a family in Côte D'ivoire start a cacao plantation, giving children just like them the ability to sell chocolate to their neighbors.
  3. 3.
    Off-brand candy, the likes of Guffaws, Dur-Durs, Lactic Way, or Almond Pleasure. Spend the money or turn your lights off and sit in the dark with your generic candy like a sex offender.
  4. 4.
    Candy hearts everyone knows are left over from Valentine's Day. You have failed.