LAWS I WOULD MAKE IF I WERE ELECTED PRESIDENT

I'm not saying it will happen, but I'm not saying it won't.
  1. Free SpongeBob episodes for all
    Much like modern medicine, SpongeBob SquarePants induces giddiness and joy in watchers of the show. No more of this $20 for a reason on Amazon.
  2. Reduce state total to 25
    50 is excessive, especially when trying to draw stars in a cartoon version of the flag. Neighboring states will morph into one, especially the Dakotas, Carolinas, and Virginias. As a bonus, Ohio will go away forever.
  3. Look at pictures of my dog
    My dog is very cute and should be looked at. This is best implemented in schools and businesses.
  4. Men must wear ascots
    They look darling. I don't believe I will face any opposition in this one.
  5. No more durian
    Refer to previous list for explanation. It will all be clear.
  6. Socialized healthcare
    Duh.