THOUGHTS WHILE TRYING DURIAN FOR THE FIRST TIME

  1. Why?!
    Everything about this fruit begs a why. Why does it exist? Why did people start eating a spiky smelly thing? Why do people continue to eat it? Why am I eating it? Durian is the most existential fruit.
  2. Durian is an odd name
    The name means "spiky," which it is, but the texture is far from the most alarming feature about this horrible thing.
  3. The smell isn't so bad
    Sure it smells like a gas leak, but it's as if the gas leak is happening somewhere lovely and tropical. I can live with this.
  4. The taste is the worst thing that has ever been in my body
    It's like swallowing gasoline. My sinuses are inundated with this noxious devil fruit. I feel dirty.
  5. Make it stop
    Being an adventurous eater is overrated. Durian has taken over my body, it is in control now.
  6. I do not like the durian, but I will respect it.
    My respect is largely derived from fear. Please do not harm me further, o durian.