Top Ten Things to Say as an Officiant at a Wedding
I'm the officiant in a wedding tomorrow, and here are the top 10 raddest things to say as the person in charge of the nuptials.
- •You guys are TOTALLY married now. *sike*
- •Take off your wedding hats and wedding gloves and switch them to show your commitment.
- •You may now kiss the bride's entire family.
- •Do you, Guy Fieri, take this diner to be your lawfully drive-in and dive?
- •Everyone, please be seats. I need to test your sturdiness before the ceremony.
- •The bride and groom have prepared their own vows for the ceremony so don't I feel like a big ol jerk standing up here with nothing to do.
- •There is a blue Mercedes Benz illegally parked in the parking lot, license plate 6NIN069.
- •Thanks for coming, we have warrants for your arrests.
- •The families have told me to tell you that the open bar is actually open all the way to the center of the earth so don't fall in.
- •My apologies to Matt Damon for having to bump him from the schedule, we ran out of time.