The thoughts that torture me in line for coffee.

Those three painful minutes of anticipation.
  1. If I close my eyes am I still in bed?
  2. I can smell my salvation.
  3. I can SMELL. I'm ALIVE.
  4. What is this music? Is this Tove Lo? At least it's not Madonna...
  5. Anyway, it's ok because I have one headphone in so this place doesn't fuck with my vibes. One out - in case I need to assert my personal space. These coffee addicts are aggressive as fuck.
  6. How did all these people wake up so early? What magic potion are they drinking? I bet they have coffee before they go out to get coffee. That explains it.
  7. To the person at the register - stop making small talk with the barista or I will crowd surf to the front of the line and take your coffee. Yes, even if it's an iced americano (Really though? Iced water? That's how you choose to come into the world? I mean, you do you, dude.)
  8. I think I have a headache.
  9. There are screaming children. Why are they here? Who brought these screaming children here?
  10. Sure, lady, you can push past me on your way out. No, I'm not jealous of your sweet espresso nectar. It's so fine. Have a nice day.
  11. I am so zen right now. I've never been so calm in line for anything in my life.
  12. What if they run out of coffee?
  13. Oh my god. What IF.
  14. Is this line moving or are we on a prank reality show? That would be funny in retrospect.
  15. To stay or to go? That is the question.
  16. That dude is staring at me. I guess he's into this look - the I went to bed like this look.
  17. Maybe I should put my sunglasses on to avoid eye contact. But then I'd be one of those assholes wearing sunglasses indoors.
  18. Am I still breathing?
  19. Dear person at the register: this is not a good time for questions. Sincerely, FUCK YOU.
  20. I think I just fell asleep for a minute.
  21. Dear person behind me: you are so close to me. It's not cute.
  22. I am practicing non-judgement. It's going so well.
  23. Are those my feet? I can't feel them.
  24. I think the barista recognizes me. I can't tell because this lady paying in front of me is so tall.
  25. Is that - is she pouring my coffee- ?! BLESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL AND YOUR FLAWLESS MEMORY AND THE WAY YOU JUST KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT EVEN WHEN I CAN'T FIND THE WORDS. YOU ARE A GODDESS.
  26. That's right, lady. That's my coffee in front of you. Get out THE WAY.
  27. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. I wish this dollar was a ring and you would marry me and we would live happily forever after with coffee.
  28. I know my smile doesn't convey my overwhelming gratitude, but it's all I have right now. That, and this cup of delicious unicorn sweat.
  29. I know you don't get paid nearly enough for this shit, but please please don't quit your job tomorrow because then I'll have to tell the new barista what I want, and the prospect of that is so, so dark.
  30. GET OUT MY WAY SUCKERS.