Because I've made peace with the fact that as an American I will most like be gunned down sooner or later, and because I'm gay, it'll most likely be related to homophobia. So I might as well go out with a BANG dancing in my undies on top of pyramid of muscle bears...!
  1. #5. On the toilet, Elvis-style. 🚽
  2. #4. Slipping in the shower, like an amateur single adult person. That's why I prefer to shower with company. 🚿
  3. #3. Choking. Doubly sad, because I was obviously eating alone. 🍽
  4. #2. Drowning while trying to prove you can perform fellatio underwater, the epic-est of fails. 🍆🏊🏻
  5. #1. Having an elephant squat down and use me as an enema while I'm cleaning his feces as a zookeeper. Because even if I survive, let's face it, I probably wouldn't want to go on. 🐘💩