Stassi is the best thing to happen to reality TV and don't try to argue with me on this
  1. "I'd really love to drill, like, a machine gun just right into her head."
  2. "No one wanted to hang with you when you brought a bunch of skanks to my fun pirate ship and no one wants to now."
  3. "You're really gonna bang my ex boyfriend? AND mess up my beach day and my tan, really??"
  4. "I get why Jax and Tom are friends. They're both lying, cheating pieces of shit."
  5. "I am so excited to be a part of this. I get to lie, and deceive, and manipulate, but it's going to end well for once!"
  6. "We might not be rich with money but we ARE rich with awesomeness"
  7. "I am going to crucify her. I am going to destroy her life. You have no idea."
  8. "My mom has always told me that I'm the descendant of a Swedish princess so I try to act like one."
  9. "I want to wrap a dildo in acid and give it to Kristen as a present so that it tears out her insides."
  10. I'll apologize, but I will follow it up with a crucifixion. I lost a battle. I will win this war."
  11. "I literally want to take every fork and knife and just graze over his body until he slowly bleeds to death."
  12. "I will cut his dick off, put a chopstick in it, go to a little Chinese place, and fry it up with some fried rice."
  13. "I AM the devil. And don't you forget it."
  14. "I literally want to come at them with daggers and chop their faces off and hide them in the walls."
  15. "I am so good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit."
  16. "I normally would have literally run across that float with daggers and not only stabbed you both like 40 times, but then thrown you off, tarred and feathered each of you, beheaded you, quartered your bodies, and dragged them through West LA on a disgusting truck."
  17. "It's my birthday. What I say goes."
  18. "Drinking Jax's Cristal was a statement. And I think I made my statement clear."
  19. "The punishment is that everybody knows what a complete shit you are. Why do you think they used to do executions in public?"
  20. "I'm sorry that I'm intelligent and that I'm good with words"
  21. "Rich people annoy me."
  22. "So? A lot of people want to." (In response to Katie saying 'Frank just wanted to get in your pants.')
  23. "You don't fuck with the champagne queen."
  24. "Is that my problem? That I'm too good looking?"
  25. "I'll be damned if I was gonna let them ruin my birthday."
  26. "So long Scheana. So long Scheana's eyelashes. So long Scheana's turbans. So long Scheana's unitards."