1. I have to go to the doctor to take care of something (*pats belly)
    Yes, she meant an abortion
  2. I just flew back into New York and I'm too jet lagged.
    Me: where did you fly in from? Him: the Dominican Republic. Me: 🙄
  3. I have to go to my sister's bridal shower today.
    Me: It's 3 pm on a weekday...and you're a dude