THE TIMES I'VE REEVALUATED MY LIFE
Yeah. I know..
- •When I was 10 and I had just gotten in trouble for trying to cut my hair with a kitchen knife to be more like MulanI really wanted to be like her. So I tried to saw off my hair like she did in the movie. Luckily my mom found me. Since I was a fairly well behaved kid, I rarely got in trouble. So considering she yelled at me and put me in timeout, I thought I was a horrible child and began to reevaluate my short life at 10 years old in the corner of my living room.
- •The 6th time I ended up in the emergency room in less than a yearI was an accident prone child. By the 5th time, all the nurses knew my name and would give me gifts or let me pick my own stuffed animal. The time they gave me a piglet toy because they knew that was my favorite character, I knew I wasn't normal.
- •The day I broke up with my second boyfriend in high schoolEveryone and their mothers came up to me that day after they found out and said some variation of the phrase "Oh thank god you did that, he was most definitely gay". And when I mean everyone, I mean EVERYONE. I didn't see that coming..
- •The first time I ever used the word "hella" out loudI used the phrase "It was HELLA crowded in there" and I immediately regretting saying it because all of southern CA friends then proceeded to make fun of me for the rest of the day.
- •The time I found myself in a USC hospital at 4 in the morning waiting for a friend who was overdosingLet me set the scene: We were both in lingerie outfits, both pretty intoxicated, and I had written on my left arm "If found please return to Trojan Hall" in black shaky sharpie writing. The nurse looked at my arm, looked at me, laughed then said "Well at least you're better than your friend here"
- •The time I threw up in front of college freshman while dressed in a banana suitMy friend and I decided to go out the day before our training day because "YOLO". I woke up the next day in my closet, 5 mins before the start of our training still drunk. I ended up vomiting during training while dancing in a banana suit. I told everyone I had food poisoning from the crappy food we ordered.
- •Punching the fridge at 79thTequila man...