THINGS MY DRUNK UNCLE HAS SAID AT OUR FAMILY BBQ

  1. "Illegals in your class? DEPORT THEM!"
  2. "Is that your gay boyfriend's picture on your screensaver?! He's gay right?"
    Mind you, he hasn't been my boyfriend in over 3 years
  3. "The moment you guys invited me over here, the first thing I thought was, 'Shit I don't wanna get drunk'"
    He's now pretty plastered
  4. "I once paid $18 for a fruit bowl"
  5. "WHAT KIND OF FRUIT IS FUCKING 18 FUCKING BUCKS IT BETTER BE FRUIT FROM JESUS' ASS HOLE!"
  6. "I'm not white, I'm Nigerian"
    He's actually Italian
  7. "I use Turbo Tax, I can do WHATEVER I want!"
  8. "Major in Catholic Studies, YOU CAN LEARN THE ROSARY!"
  9. "Oh cheetah? It's just like my underwear!"
  10. "LETS START A BONFIRE ON THE POOL!"
  11. "Oh hell ya, you're in the frat!"