Or if they weren't made up in my imagination.
  1. Nail polish color namer
    Static
    Would you like "flamingo kneecap" or "summer sweat stain" for your toes?
  2. Cat speech therapist
    Static
    Pretty sure I can generalize my skills from humans to cats. Meow.
  3. Pizza topping distribution specialist
    Static
    Because of horrors like this...
  4. President of the coalition of kids meals for all
    Static
    That bold 12 AND UNDER ONLY stands between me and my Kraft Mac.
  5. Fluffy animal stroker
    Static
    Sounds creepier than intended.