SO I SAW DIRTY GRANDPA

  1. The intention was to see The Fifth Wave but we were fifteen minutes late, so we decided Dirty Grandpa would be fine
  2. It was not fine
  3. You know experiences where you review everything you've done in life that led to that moment?
  4. Dirty Grandpa made me hate myself, Robert DeNiro, everyone in the theater, and all of humanity
  5. Dirty Grandpa made me want to take 35 consecutive showers while I cried
  6. Dirty Grandpa made me hate The Fifth Wave, by default, for starting before we got there
  7. Dirty Grandpa made me want to go to church and confess my sins while pouring holy water over my head
  8. Dirty Grandpa made everything good in the world seem bad
  9. These are understatements
  10. Zero stars