My son Jesse was one of the coolest people ever. He took his own life by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in November 2005. Life got different.
  1. Thanksgiving
    Because I last saw him right before Thanksgiving , I feel a lot of dread when that holiday approaches. I have thought of just leaving town or doing nothing but my husband and other kids really love this holiday so I just try and fake it.
  2. I never cry
    It's awful. I was never a big crier but since I found out, not at all. Sure, I can get teary over a book or movie. But no intense ,cathartic crying though I feel like it so often .
  3. Getting his bank statement every month
    Since there was no body found, we don't have a death certificate . So we are unable to close the account. So they keep charging little fees and it sits there, shrinking. And getting mail addressed to him just hurts.
  4. Getting a death certificate
    Supposedly there is a way to do this. I have all the forms and info. I just have to write a brief paragraph explaining what happened. Every few months , I think ," I should do that . " Maybe this weekend .
  5. Reading stuff on his website
    A friend of his set up a website the day after he found out about his death. A lot of people wrote stuff. Makes me sad and makes me miss him.
  6. His bench at the dog park
    Static
    Whenever I pass it, if there are people or dogs sitting on it, I think he would like it. But there's always a feeling of melancholy .
  7. The Golden Gate Bridge
    The first year, I couldn't even drive over it. I've since gotten past this.
  8. Everything
    I'm just sad a lot. I just miss him and want to talk to him.