Things that make me sad and remind me of my son Jesse

My son Jesse was one of the coolest people ever. He took his own life by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge in November 2005. Life got different.
  1. Thanksgiving
    Because I last saw him right before Thanksgiving , I feel a lot of dread when that holiday approaches. I have thought of just leaving town or doing nothing but my husband and other kids really love this holiday so I just try and fake it.
  2. I never cry
    It's awful. I was never a big crier but since I found out, not at all. Sure, I can get teary over a book or movie. But no intense ,cathartic crying though I feel like it so often .
  3. Getting his bank statement every month
    Since there was no body found, we don't have a death certificate . So we are unable to close the account. So they keep charging little fees and it sits there, shrinking. And getting mail addressed to him just hurts.
  4. Getting a death certificate
    Supposedly there is a way to do this. I have all the forms and info. I just have to write a brief paragraph explaining what happened. Every few months , I think ," I should do that . " Maybe this weekend .
  5. Reading stuff on his website
    A friend of his set up a website the day after he found out about his death. A lot of people wrote stuff. Makes me sad and makes me miss him.
  6. His bench at the dog park
    Whenever I pass it, if there are people or dogs sitting on it, I think he would like it. But there's always a feeling of melancholy .
  7. The Golden Gate Bridge
    The first year, I couldn't even drive over it. I've since gotten past this.
  8. Everything
    I'm just sad a lot. I just miss him and want to talk to him.