Why I Want to Be a Mermaid

For the record, I want to be a mermaid so bad that i would sacrifice 100 pugs to become one if some Poseidon God wanted me to
  1. I can explore the ENTIRE ocean
  2. I get to have a tail with a cute bikini or maybe topless? Either way it's a win win.
  3. My best friends would be fish
  4. My days would consist of swimming with dolphins and looking for sea shells
  5. I would have killer abs from swimming all day
  6. My hair would be amazing from the all the sea minerals
  7. I would really like to know how mermaids have sex