💦 A STUDY IN THIRST: WHAT I LEARNED FROM TINDER pt. 1
Before I commence with my thrilling, Shakespearean tale, allow me to provide some background.
- •It's easy to meet guys in LA because none of them have any shame.
- •At bars, I typically get approached an average of 4.3 times, consistently with the same opener: "You're so exotic. What are you?"In these sort of situations, I recommend answering "North Korean," just to throw them off.
- •Last weekend I even had one undesirable greet me with, "Besides heaven, where are you from?"Naturally, I responded with "Hell."
- •This isn't because I'm breathtakingly gorgeous or irresistibly charming or they can sense I have a good credit score (although these things are all very much true)...
- •My theory? The vast majority of LA men are actors and musicians and models, so desperation comes second nature to them.
- •Screw whether sending 7 texts in a row, 3 Facebook messages, a Candy Crush request, and love letter via carrier pigeon is socially acceptable!
- •Fact: every girl has 4719472352 screenshots like this on her phone.
- •People who say women are the crazy ones have obviously never looked through my phone.
- •Moral of the story: if you're a young woman in LA who occasionally takes a break from binge watching Netflix to step foot outside, the quantity of men swarming you will be at a record-breaking high.The quality of them? That's another matter.
- •So, in my experience, there isn't a glaring need for dating apps here - compared to somewhere like New York City, where locals tend to be more standoffish, or Juneau, Alaska, where no one fucking lives - but it's a quick shortcut to an ego boost.
- •My best friend advised against it, possibly due to the fact she still suffers from Tinder PTSD and wants to preserve my innocence.
- •"How bad is it really?" I asked. "What sort of messages do you receive?"
- •A glimpse inside her inbox:And here you thought chivalry was dead!
- •Still, it was my journalistic duty to expose myself to this wanton STD-infested sausagefest for the greater good.
- •Feeling braver than usual - or more masochistic, take your pick - I decided it was time to pull an Anderson Cooper and compile research out in the field.
- •To be continued in Part 2.