💦 A STUDY IN THIRST: WHAT I LEARNED FROM TINDER pt. 2

Before I willingly dove vagina-first into this sea of desperation/Wienershnitzels, I consulted a male friend of mine about dating apps in LA since he had sampled most of these douche magnets. The way he explained it to me:
  1. TINDER
  2. Geared towards hookups. Not *everyone* with a Y-chromosome is strictly looking for action, but the thirst is palpable.
  3. Conversely, if you're gay, Tinder is much more relationship-based; Grindr is better suited for those late night "What are you up to?" texts.
  4. On a related note, my experience as a single white female has taught me that booty calling has evolved so much that you only need to text someone "hey" anytime after midnight to get your point across.
  5. What a time to be alive, indeed.
  6. HINGE
  7. This app differentiates itself by pairing you up Noah's Ark style with people you share a common Facebook connection with.
  8. Aka your options will be friends of friends or someone within your extended network.
    Which, frankly, I found to be mildly horrifying.
  9. But the silver lining is: 1) The dude is less likely to be the Zodiac Killer/Ted Cruz... unless your web of acquaintances tends to be shady AF, in which case, upgrade your life insurance and pack that pepper spray.
  10. 2) Your potential suitors are less likely to be fuckboys, just given the fact that it's more challenging to ghost someone on Hinge.
  11. Since there's mutual friends involved, witness protection isn't as easy - and there's a level of accountability when a friend of yours knows this person.
  12. Or at least there should be.
    Most people are dead on the inside and lack any form of moral compass, but that's besides the point.
  13. OK CUPID
  14. For old people.
  15. BUMBLE
  16. Fun fact: this one was launched by a woman who originally co-founded Tinder.
  17. Out of all the apps, Bumble received the most glowing recommendation because the female counterparts are forced to break the ice and initiate each convo.
  18. As my friend explained it, I would be granted much more power to dodge potentially gross conversations - always a plus - and since I had no qualms about making the first move (I'm an independent woman that way), it would be a good match for me... no pun intended.
  19. Also, their Insta account is gold, so points for that.
    I tagged all of my friends, and myself.
  20. THRINDER
  21. App for threesomes. Yes, this exists. And no, I'm not on it SO STOP ASKING, PEOPLE.
  22. GROUPER
  23. Tinder meets group dating. I tried it and it was weird.
  24. I reluctantly downloaded Tinder, and less reluctantly downloaded Bumble and Hinge, and scrolled through.
  25. My psychologically scarring experience with Tinder coming in Part 3.