1. Static
  2. Tickled is a documentary that debuted at this year's Sundance and is now playing in select theaters across the country.
    It's also slaying the game on Rotten Tomatoes.
  3. SparkNotes summary: a New Zealander journalist investigates the dark underbelly of international tickling competitions... which yes, fam, IS 100% A THING.
  4. And it looks a little like this. Adidas must be proud!
  5. *SPOILER ALERT* He ultimately uncovers that this pudgy New Yorker named David D'Amato is the puppetmaster behind some highkey sketchy shit.
    I.e. identity theft, exploitation, extortion... the homoerotic rabbit hole goes very deep indeed. Though I'd argue his greatest offense is dedicating endless hours to wreak havoc on teenage boys. Get a hobby, man.
  6. Being the cultured young professional that I am, I graced the screening + Q&A with my presence and, in return, got served a straight up Shyamalan-level plot twist.
    And naturally, being the giver that I am, I snapchatted every second of the mayhem. Let's begin.
  7. Once the credits start rolling, David D'Amato more or less slithers out from the shadows (much how I imagine a Dementor would) to accost the co-director, Dylan Reeve.
    Not one soul had noticed he was there.
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  9. My friend's face says it all.
  10. In person, David is hardly intimidating; he has an aesthetic that reads: "I'm the offspring of Roz from Monsters Inc. and a bag of marshmallows."
  11. Please note the absence of anything remotely resembling a neck.
  12. Security was like "bro, take a Xanax" and put David on timeout, all while Dylan kept calm and carried on. Four for you, Dylan Coco.
  13. Surprise! That's when Kevin Clarke also crashes this shindig. Poor guy was probably coming down with a nasty case of FOMO.
  14. Note: I misunderstood and apparently Clarke isn't actually David's lawyer, just your standard run-of-the-mill henchman.
    He, too, was featured in the doc when he casually jetted all the way to New Zealand to bully Dylan and his squad into cutting their project short.
  15. You know, because every film has that crusty old dude in a trenchcoat who's all, "If you know what's good for you, you'll stay out of this."
  16. And, well, homie had A LOT to get off his chest.
  17. Meanwhile, David is 2 rows behind me chilling next to some mustachioed mobster type probably named Vinny and inhaling a constant stream of popcorn like there's no tomorrow.
    Even criminal masterminds get hungry. The stars, they're just like us!
  18. Static
    Come on son, save it for your therapist.
  19. At this point they wrestled the mic away from Clarke but he can't stop, won't stop, and marathoned through his speech because SHIT WASN'T AWKWARD ENOUGH ALREADY.
  20. This persisted for a solid 15 minutes. You know how characters in The Office will shoot glances to the camera like, "Is this mofo for real?"
    Well, that's what the entire audience was doing. Even though there were no cameras. Because the secondhand embarrassment was THAT overwhelming.
  21. Static
    Guess it was his cheat day.
  22. It's like when your parents are bickering at Thanksgiving dinner and then they're screaming and now it's World War III up in here and all you wanna do is eat your sweet potato casserole in peace.
  23. But then it was David's time to shine. And oh, does he ever!
  24. His charming advice: "get criminal council." Long story short, David made it abundantly clear he was suing the hell out of them because, again, he has no other hobby.
    I was tempted to point out Netflix had just released Season 4 of Orange is the New Black and bingeing it would be a more productive use of his time, but I refrained.
  25. They migrated outside the Nuart Theatre where a film crew, who probably felt like children on Christmas morning, recorded the heated showdown.
    When this video inevitably spreads faster than herpes on a college campus, keep an eye out for me in the background- just look for the tall, model-esque blonde!
  26. Word is still out on whether or not David D'Amato is ticklish.