🖥 WHAT I LEARNED FROM CRASHING A YOUTUBE PARTY
Another undercover investigation by yours truly.
- •When you register for the event online, there's a box for "occupation."Most people are boring and *actually* provide their real employer (what nerds), but periodically an attendee will shake things up, like this one dude I saw advertising himself as a "Star Wars Dork."
- •The news broke that, although I was fully registered, my nametag had gone AWOL. "I think we may have lost it," the registration lady confessed.Her career will never recover.
- •But, like Beyoncé, I am more than capable of using lemons to make lemonade.
- •The goal: get free shitThe result: no free shit, just a lot of judgmental stares 🙁
- •The vast majority of attendants were YouTubers and they were quite the... paradoxical congregation.
- •There was this dichotomy of incredibly attractive people (mostly white dudes who smiled a concerning amount and probably weren't legal) mixed with emotionally unhinged oddballs.Considering I'm both cute and psycho, I felt right at home.
- •The gaggle of girls in front of me looked like they had walked straight off the Downton Abbey set and I do not, in any way, mean that as a compliment.
- •Yuna (love her), Atlas Genius (love them), and Jordan Smith* (who?) all performed, but no matter the song, they all boogied like we were in a Prohibition-era speakeasy. I was distraught.*Most recent winner of The Voice, according to my good pal, Wikipedia.
- •Another girl was furiously scribbling away in her notepad next to me and I fought everything within my power not to say, "Honey, it's 2016; there's a notes section in your phone."Luckily, I kept my insightful commentary to myself, but being the snoopy little bugger that I am, I couldn't resist sneaking a glance over:
- •"Yuna is like a combination of Florence and the Machine, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Norah Jones. Her sound is very mellow..."Illuminating report, indeed.
- •It was at this point I noticed how strongly the lead singer of Atlas Genius resembled the Keebler Elf. I then spent the next 14 minutes fantasizing about cookies.Did I lie
- •Given that I've snagged As in both Sociology and Psychology 101, I felt I was qualified to diagnose YouTubers with "I must be funny and entertaining and endearing ALL THE TIME" syndrome as a result of their stardom.The crowd possessed a tragic case of what I'd like to call 'twitchy eyes' - they were constantly shooting hostile glances at each other and sizing the room up.
- •You could practically *feel* these people crumbling over the fact that they weren't basking in the spotlight. But on the bright side, their personality disorders were guaranteed to keep therapists in business!
- •In all honesty, I did sympathize with them; that perpetual, looming pressure can't be great for your psyche.Is there a Ted Talk on this subject yet? Because if there isn't, dibs.
- •A girl approached me while I was dancing and gave me her number. 23-years-old and I still got it!
- •People react to alcohol in different ways; some get belligerent, some get slutty... personally, I go full-blown klepto. By the end of the night I had stocked up on 10 Cliff bars, 1 bag of kale chips (tres LA), and 2 coconut waters.This ain't my first rodeo.
- •And I'm proud to say I did this all without the help of my CEO father. YouTube was a success.