INAPPROPRIATE MEN MY RELATIVES WOULD LIKE ME TO DATE

Socially inappropriate life advice from the ladies who love me most.
  1. My distant cousins
    My third cousins are chefs and cookbook authors who, like me, have left the Midwest and now live in Brooklyn. After a flattering write up in the Detroit Jewish News, my grandmother, sister, and aunt all tried to convince me to find and marry one or both of them.
  2. My high school physics teacher
    My mother was excited when I graduated from high school, because I could finally date my physics teacher without any silly laws getting in the way.
  3. My cousin's roommate
    I was 27 and teaching elementary school in Queens. He was 19 and perma-stoned in a dorm room in Western Mass. According to my aunt, the *only* obstacle between me and a lifetime of bliss with Jeremy was his dysfunctional, Evangelical family in Houston.
  4. A famous stranger
    I was 16. He was Conor Oberst. My mom had big ideas for us both.