IT'S COOL AND WHATEVER BUT YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME...
- •...most other people wear underwear to bedbefore sending me to my first sleepover party. WTF, Mama?
- •...you had a girlfriendbefore we slept together. WTF, Various Dudes of the mid to late aughts?
- •...you didn't like being pet that waybefore you bit me/scratched me/hissed like a cartoon monster. WTF, most cats I've tried to love on?
- •...your baby had colicbefore leaving me with her all day. WTF, Former Employer?
- •...you were more than a "social drinker"before I found you passed out. Fully clothed. In our empty bathtub. On a Wednesday morning. WTF, Old Roommate? (But also I hope you're getting healthy and happy.)