MILESTONES IN THE LIFE OF A CONSISTENTLY LATE ADOPTER

I'm in no rush.
  1. 1.
    Brushing my hair
    It turns out, brushing my hair feels nice and (obvi) prevents terrible, horrible nests from forming the back of my head. I still don't do it that much. Why did G-d grace me with these elegant piano fingers if not to serve as my sole hair combing tool?
  2. 2.
    Watching scary movies
    I watched two in the past year without crying or screaming hardly at all.
  3. 3.
    Paying cashiers/ordering food/asking for directions (read: talking to strangers)
    Fixed when @MarthaQ intuitively invented exposure therapy as an 11 year old by refusing to talk to anyone on my behalf whenever we were out together sans parents.
  4. 4.
    Internet dating
    I came late to the party, but I immediately decided to "win this shit" by "power dating." Outcomes inconsistent, but I've for sure learned some cool and ugly truths about myself and strangers.
  5. 5.
    Putting on eyeliner
    I might've figured this out three weeks ago. I might be fooling myself.