1. Get clean, bro.
    Nobody likes a dirty bird. Are you a dirty bird? Cut it out.
  2. Best place to practice Meryl Streep "Silkwood" impression
    I know what you're thinking. It's easier to get into character if someone turns a hose on you. But what if you're alone? Ultimately, we all are. No one knew that better than Karen Silkwood.
  3. Wash away your worries about the California drought
    Drought? I DROUGHT it! Look at this abundance of fresh water. I turned it on and here it is. Score. I'm gonna party in it till there are no party droplets (water) left.
  4. No telling where water ends and tears begin
    Who's crying? ME? I don't think so. This is a shower. Fuck up outta here.
  5. Find out where you'll end up in the afterlife
    Because are you one of those people who pee in the shower? Then you're going straight to hell. And stop acting like we all do it. We don't.