THINGS I IMAGINE THE "CHOPPED" JUDGES MIGHT SAY TO ME

  1. "You didn't actually use any of the basket ingredients, but the way you presented your sock on this plate is very inventive"
    Geoffrey Zakarian: "I didn't get any sock on my plate, and that's too bad." me: "I was going to run to TJ Maxx, but time was running out"
  2. "Your dish is beautiful, but I hate that I can't try it, because it's covered in urine."
    me: "I cut my finger." Alex Guarnaschelli: "that's COMPLETELY unrelated"
  3. "I'm losing the red pepper, but your father issues really come through in this dish."
    me, sobbing: "THANK YOU SO MUCH," then I take off my top
  4. "You literally just piled all the raw basket ingredients on a plate, but created a beautiful gastrique and wrote SORRY in perfect calligraphy on the edge of the dish"
    me: *wink to camera* (I move on to the next round)