I Haven't Seen the New Star Wars Yet, but Here's What I Think Will Happen

  1. The cute little ball droid will roll onto our screens, and into our hearts
  2. Someone will unsheathe a light saber and a man behind me at the theater will do sound effects to accompany it
  3. There will be trailers before the movie
  4. There will be a thirty minute space congress scene taken directly from space C-SPAN
  5. Han Solo will probably say something suave, I'll swoon
  6. We find out that Chewbacca was begging for someone to put him out of his misery, all this time
  7. Someone on the Internet will overreact about spoilers
  8. We will finally see where all of the yellow letters in space float off to
  9. Everyone will like the movie, until everyone won't