My Terms and Conditions That Must Be Fulfilled When I Eventually Die

  1. 1.
    First, everyone must pour one out for the fallen homie
  2. 2.
    All of my insecurities will be written on tiny pieces of paper and put in a jar that will be buried along side me
  3. 3.
    Anyone who has ever known me will be forced to watch Carol, and then drive over to my tombstone to talk about how fucking beautiful it is
  4. 4.
    All of my embarrassing YouTube videos I made as a young child will be stored in the Library of Congress
  5. 5.
    My funeral shall be a combination of a Viking funeral and a Comedy Central style roast, hosted by Werner Herzog
  6. 6.
    An insignificant star somewhere in the Andromeda Galaxy shall be named after me. Nobody will know it exists, but it will be there
  7. 7.
    It shall be a national holiday on the day of my death, so that the general public can live the way I did and just binge Netflix all day
  8. 8.
    The man or woman who kills me shall inherit my 52 acres of land in the northern Catskills
  9. 9.
    My tombstone must have a typo on it
  10. 10.
    Who am I kidding, I'm fucking immortal.