All I want to do is see Hamilton. I've waited 12 hours on the standby line only to miss getting a ticket by 5 minutes. Reality is a cruel cruel place and I just want to get what I want. So here's who I think I have to fuck to see Hamilton.
  1. Lin Manuel Miranda
    Obviously I'd have to fuck the genius behind the entire show
  2. The Richard Rodgers Theatre
    It would make sense to try to fuck the esteemed theater that Hamilton takes place in. Maybe it would let me in once everything is good and done.
  3. Alexander Hamilton
    It wouldn't hurt to fuck the man behind the entire musical. Though it would be difficult and not fun in any means, Hamilton definitely has the connections to get me into the esteemed show
  4. Those people who are paid to wait in the front of the standby line
    The reason I never got a ticket was because many of the people in front of me were paid to wait excruciatingly long hours just to pick up tickets for rich bastards who didn't want to wait themselves. If I could fuck my way to the front of the line, I'd be much more likely to get into the show.
  5. Jimmy Fallon
    I just feel like he could get me in
  6. Lin Manuel Miranda's manbun
    The master behind the entire operation