SHORT LIST OF THE CANDIDATES I'M CONSIDERING WRITING IN ON PRESIDENTIAL BALLOT
- •Jason BourneWould scare the crap out of terrorists. And Putin. So there's that.
- •Katniss EverdeenProven Leader. Certified Badass. First Woman President? Enough said.
- •Jeff LebowskiBetter known as The Dude. The perfect even-handed leader in these turbulent times. And the campaign slogan is already built in: The Dude Abides.
- •Jack SparrowHe's American, right? Anyway, he always seems to get the job done. A bit of a loose cannon, but that doesn't seem to be an issue in 2016, so...
- •Walter WhiteHe's got a bit of a spotty past, but come on... Who doesn't like Heisenberg??
- •Kevin the minionLikely the first ever candidate with a 100% approval rating. A candidate who really speaks the language of the people.