THINGS I REALIZED WAY TOO LATE

  1. 1.
    Family Matters was the most brilliant show name ever.
    It's their daily family "matters," and also family matters, like it's important. Get it? And everybody still called it Urkel.
  2. 2.
    Milk is really bad for you.
    Seriously, look it up.
  3. 3.
    It's Johns Hopkins University, not John Hopkins.
    No wonder I didn't get in.
  4. 4.
    Grease is one of the most awful, sexist movie musicals ever.
    It's about a girl who changes herself to please a gay man. Maybe rethink Summer Nights as your karaoke go-to.
  5. 5.
    Not all of the Snapple Real Facts were real!
    And I'm still outraged.
  6. 6.
    All of my elementary school teachers masturbated.
    And yours too. And yours too.
  7. 7.
    Not all dogs are boy dogs.
    I still have trouble believing this one. I blame Homeward Bound.
  8. 8.
    I didn't spend enough time with grandpa.