THINGS I REALIZED WAY TOO LATE
- •Family Matters was the most brilliant show name ever.It's their daily family "matters," and also family matters, like it's important. Get it? And everybody still called it Urkel.
- •Milk is really bad for you.Seriously, look it up.
- •It's Johns Hopkins University, not John Hopkins.No wonder I didn't get in.
- •Grease is one of the most awful, sexist movie musicals ever.It's about a girl who changes herself to please a gay man. Maybe rethink Summer Nights as your karaoke go-to.
- •Not all of the Snapple Real Facts were real!And I'm still outraged.
- •All of my elementary school teachers masturbated.And yours too. And yours too.
- •Not all dogs are boy dogs.I still have trouble believing this one. I blame Homeward Bound.
- •I didn't spend enough time with grandpa.