Innapropriate Thoughts Had at the Apple Genius Bar, Chronologically

3.45 pm, 5th ave & 58th st
  1. I hope I get a really nerdy straight male genius, aka the demographic that seems least immune to my charms.
    Like if I were to draw a pie chart of susceptibility to my specific appeal by group, nerdy guys with glasses and bad posture would basically be the whole circle.
  2. Why do I always assume that I will get better service if I flirt with the customer service rep, when it is actually their job to help me??
    Like bent over the genius counter flirtation styles
  3. MAYBE BECAUSE WHEN I FLIRT WITH HIM HE SAYS SHIT LIKE, "We're not supposed to do that. But I will. But like you should just know that for next time."
    Thanks Mike!
  4. It probably says something pretty fucked about me that my de facto first move with IT guys is always, "I don't know anything about tech, talk to me like a five year old."
    But it does prepare them for my general ignorance & get them on my side?????? I DISGUST MYSELF.
  5. I wonder if this guy gets a lot of pussy because of Ira Glass.
  6. I wonder if there's gonna be a nerd population boom in a few years because of Ira Glass.
  7. I wonder how Ira Glass personally capitalizes on his renegade sex-symbol status? Or is all the benefit received by other silver-foxy nerds via cultural osmosis?
    Does Ira get better service at the Genius Bar, for instance? I hope so.
  8. Is my "I'm-so-dumb" posturing actually a way of protecting myself against real judgment, aka I know I'm just pretending so if this "genius" looks at me askance for still not knowing how to back up my iPhone, I will never feel the sting?
  9. Maybe I should start instituting a no-flirtation policy in my life and see what happens????
    But also would my life be a whole less fun? This is not a one-way street, Zoe. YOU ATTENTION-MONGER.
  10. How the fuck did Apple get away with calling its customer service department geniuses???? As like a BRAND?
    Gonna start calling my trailer "The Genius Trailer" on set & see what happens.
  11. What would the geniuses do right now if I pulled out my bright red lipstick, applied it to my mouth in a seductive manner, and then just kept applying it until my entire face was covered?
  12. Pretty cool to get this problem fixed absolutely for FREE!!!!
    Except what it cost me in dignity/self-respect!!!!!!!!