Many Odd Things I (& Probably Most Actors) Have Pretended to Do/actually Done in an Audition Room

Hi my name is Zoe, I'm 5'4" and I will take off my clothes for money.
  1. Kiss a stranger
    Usually you can just give intense eye contact...but sometimes you legitimately have to make out. On tape. With lots of other people in the room watching. And the next girl waiting outside for her turn. Normal.
  2. Touch myself
    Today, this happened today. Not the first time. I rubbed my inner thigh.
  3. Have sex
    Never for real. Only painfully, awkwardly mimed.
  4. Kill someone
    And then realize WHAT I'D DONE NO NO NO
  5. Be killed by someone
    No no no don't--!
  6. Give birth
    Yeah this is a great audition scene, I'm sure you're going to get a huge variety in how we all read this...
  7. Dance
    To absolutely zero music. This has happened many times. But I do love to dance soooooooo....
  8. Sing
    Tragic.
  9. Pee on the floor
    I got the job and then I had to do it every night onstage.
  10. Fight
    Like fist fight. There is no way to act this by yourself. I usually just punch my own open hand.
  11. Cry
    Every. Single. Time. On. Command.
  12. Laugh
    Weirdly harder than crying on cue sometimes.
  13. Lie about my age/height/relationship status/address/fitness level/hair color/special skills/comfort with heights
    Lies of omission are still lies...
  14. Create fucking magic out of thin air
    Important to remember that in these situations you are usually reading with a non-actor of the wrong gender for the scene, who is sitting all the way across the room and usually giving you absolutely zero inflection while saying shit like, "I love you but I have terminal cancer." It's a miracle anyone gets a job ever.
  15. Fail
    So often. Sometimes spectacularly.
  16. Take my shirt off and write all over my body in lipstick
    It was a bold choice. See above.
  17. Realize I am about to die in an inferno.
    Just another day at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory.
    Suggested by   @rebeccalou
  18. Naked For Alien vs Predator 2
    Self tape request. First take- mime happily disrobing, turn around, see Alien. Take 2, do same, turn, see Predator. "Plz make them different"
    Suggested by   @thebfg
  19. React to seeing your father in line at a concentration camp.
    Suggested by   @miggles36
  20. Get and give the sexiest/dirtiest sexual vibes to a female casting director in her 60s who had JUST gotten a pedicure--her toes had the toilet paper threaded through and she was wearing the paper sandal. Thanks for the help.
    Suggested by   @chloewepper