My Future Wife

IF I WERE TO MAKE A MAJOR DISCOVERY ABOUT MYSELF IN THE FUTURE, THIS WOULD BE FOR STARTERS...
  1. Won't mind teaching me literally everything about lesbian sex
  2. Will do half the housework without me asking
  3. Will earn one dollar for every dollar that her male colleagues earn
  4. Will love to read books and the newspaper
  5. Won't make me split food with her
  6. Will have the right to marry me in any state in the US
  7. Will co-parent our children with creativity & love & humor & bravery
  8. Will have a lot to say but be a good listener too
  9. Won't be a racist or an idiot or a douchebag
  10. Will have legal right to abortion in every state in the US
  11. Will let me wallpaper our entire house in pictures of unicorns and bunny rabbits except for the rooms that are all black for days when I need to crawl into a hole