The Different Stages of Eating Popcorn

  1. Firstly, you lie to yourself, taking only one at a time (this only lasts 47 seconds max. okay like 25. 17? fine, 10 MAX)
  2. Realizing you're only wasting time because you know in the end you're gonna eat the whole thing you just take as many as can fit in your big salty guilty-looking hand
  3. Then, there's always that super deeply sad time when you're about to put some in your mouth but dramatically they fall to the floor, and so does your joy
  4. With your non-existent integrity, you look around to make sure no one's looking, you pick them up and as the mature, elegant & classy person you are, you put them with satisfacion in the place they always belonged, your mouth
  5. If you are sharing your popcorn, you'll give a super threating look to your eating partner for taking more than what you consider "the normal quantity" even though, let's be real here, you always take that many popcorn x3
  6. Finally, there's always that depressing moment when your hand can't seem to reach for more because you ate it all, even the not-so-good grains that nobody likes but it's still (kind of) food and as the good person you are, you don't want to throw that away
  7. Then, you realize you just ate an enormous bowl that only 5 minutes ago was filled to the top
  8. You get really mad with yourself
  9. You realize that the only thing that could make you feel better is preparing more popcorn
  10. And the process starts all over again, only you feel even happier, but end up even sadder (but who cares because you can always re-re-re-re-repeat the process like the little badass rebel you've always had in you)